Our Gift

Our Gift. Our Wonderful Gift from God! 

Really is more like a thousand gifts and provisions.  I cannot even count the many ways He has blessed us in the past year! Let's start close to the beginning, ok?!

I found out we were having another baby the first week in May.  I am not going to lie, I cried. I mean I really cried.  I just stared at the pregnancy stick, knowing I was pregnant before I even took the test, but still not believing it.  How on Earth does one person manage FIVE small people 5 and under...wait, what will the due date be? Oh no! I rush to my computer (no smart phone here), and type all the information into the due date calculator. REALLY?! My due date is Jan 12th....2 weeks before my oldest turns 5.  That means I will have almost 3 weeks before my oldest is 5, and I will have four kids 4 and under. Oh my goodness...the looks, I cannot bear any more looks, they already think I'm crazy. UGH...do we have to tell anyone?  Maybe one day we can just magically appear with an extra?!  What are we going to do with 5 babies? I don't have the patience for the 4 I have, and now we are throwing one more into the mix? What about my body, oh goodness, I pray we make it?!  I'm not kidding, all of these were very real thoughts that ran through my head.  NOT because I was ashamed to have a baby, but because of all the shaming looks I get everywhere I go with 4 small ones in tow!  I LOVE my babies, and I would do anything for them.  But society as a whole, well, they are very draining, they look down on you, and act surprised when your children behave in public, or if you have more children than they personally deem necessary. Greg gets home...I show him the test. He looks surprised, but he hides it well, he is good at hiding, him being the quiet soul that we all need!  He says "what are we going to do?" I laugh "What can we do?" By this time, I had wrapped my head around it, and was actually starting to feel that joy come back, joy for a little one, though unexpected, would be a perfect fit for our family.  God chose to give us this gift, and he would give us the grace, and the joy (if we choose it!), and the patience to make it through! We hug, smile, and know, in the end, it is all in God's control. Everything, God ordains everything. "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice"  Philippians 4:4. Funny if you keep reading, you then come across this. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation ,by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6, 7

Here is a short back story, on a bit of the panic, that came with this baby surprise...other than the looks, and weird glances I receive almost everywhere I go!  While having Noah, we hear "oh look, we can see the baby."  Then the Anesthesiologist says, "Ok they are getting ready to cut the uterus and pull baby out! Get ready!!"  We are excited and this conversation slips past me. (*notice anything weird in that conversation order! Neither did we at the time, all too caught up in the moment!) Fast forward a few days, Dr comes in and says "Well, looks like you are recovering good, I wouldn't recommend any more babies any time soon.  But you can talk to your Dr. about that at your 6 week check up.  And next time I would probably send you to a high risk Dr., I'm not sure about doing another C-section on you!" Dr. walks out... "Wait, what?" I turn to my husband, "Did he just say what I think he said...next time I need to go to a high risk Dr.  Why on Earth would I need to do that? Especially if we are going to wait a couple years? So confused...oh well!" "I guess, he just thinks we had too many too close, weird, oh well" Hubby responds. Fast forward a bit more...Now I am at my 6 week checkup.  My Dr finishes everything up, comes back into the room, and says "Everything looks good,  Did the other Dr. by any chance tell you about your uterus?" "Umm..not really, just said to follow up with you for my 6 week check, and that next time we need to go to a high risk Dr...why?" I reply. "Well, your uterus was so thin we could see right through it.  We call that a window.  That is NOT something we like to see.  I just kept thinking while you were on the table, oh goodness please don't sneeze...It was THAT thin, I thought if you sneezed your uterus would rupture right there in front of me!" Yikes! I let that sink in on the drive home, and promptly tell Greg upon our first moment of quiet.  We google uterine windows, and uterine rupture...you know how you should never google anything...really DON'T!!  Moral of what we learned...If my uterus ruptures and I'm at home, they like to have baby out in 35 minutes, this assures that mom doesn't die of a bleed out, and baby comes out alive, and hopefully not brain dead! Anyway, now we see the concern through a whole different set of eyes, and see why, we really CANNOT get pregnant any sooner than 1-2 years.  We decided to use two different forms of birth control to make sure there were no issues.....Fast forward 9 months! Guess what?! We are pregnant. Now you see my concern, my fear, and my issues with why I don't think I can or should be pregnant! But believing this little life is a gift from God, we embrace joy! We hold it close, and honestly we tell no one about how dangerous this pregnancy really could be for me! I don't like to live in fear! We cling to God, HIS plan, and HIS promises.  We know it will all turn out good.  I also know to watch out for any weird pains, as they can be a sign of something major!  Fixed with this knowledge we move forward. And funny enough, no high risk Dr was needed (at least, not yet!) I should also mention that we go for our first ultrasound, and they tell me my due date is incorrect, we are actually due January 23rd and not the 12th...which means that I found out I was pregnant pretty much as soon as it happened! Which to me, means I will only have five children 4 and under for about a week, totally doable right?!

We continue to move forward in this blessing of a pregnancy, we do decide to tell people.  I mean come on, I get HUGE fast, there really is no hiding a pregnancy for me! I find joy in all the little moments, even the moments where I am so sick I don't want to move from the couch in the evening.  The kids are so good, at helping and taking care of me when I need to rest, as is Greg!  We have a house full of extra kids, that come and go through out the summer, and some that stay longer! We love having extra little faces around to love on! Usually those of friends!  We have a great summer! We celebrate our current baby turning 1, and being sooo big!  We celebrate our anniversary, my birthday, and Halloween! All without a hitch.   We are doing good so far, and if you ask me about my pregnancy I will laugh and tell you all is good. Sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb, thinking I might just explode somewhere, anywhere... will we be ready?  Will we be ok? My fears are always calmed by God, and they are gone as quickly as they came. We live a joyful, and a full life, one I wouldn't change for the world! I do tell a couple people about what my future could hold, but I always tell them not to worry, we will be fine.  I had claimed that I would be fine.  I was confident in the fact that God would take care of me, and our new gift.  He would see us through this and bring us all out alive. I was confident in God, and the fact that He can and does perform miracles. Obviously you are reading this today, and this means He has shown us some of His best miracles! Can you see all the precious gifts and miracles we have been given? I can, and they are too many to count.  They are wonderful.  I have made it to November, that is seven-ish months of miracles.  Seven-ish months of protecting me, seven-ish months of a beautiful, growing baby inside my ever growing belly! Seven-ish months of time with family and friends. Seven-ish months of health!!

Mid-November (November 19th to be exact!) I start having some pain,  Now I have already written about my stay in the hospital so I will keep this portion brief(hopefully)!  I am grateful that God put it in my heart to go to the hospital, and get checked.  I hate going in for no reason, or for people to think I'm freaking out for no reason.  I called first, and they called my Dr, who then immediately called me, and told me to get up to OB now! I listened.  I listened to God, and I listed to my Dr.  Thank goodness! I am blessed that I went in, and that God took care of us. On the way to the hospital all I could hear, and all I could do was sing "Be still and know that I am God" that line just rings over and over in my ears and across my lips. Turns out we get transferred to Wesley, and again the whole hour drive there all I can here is "Be still and know that I am God."  How can you doubt anything with that ringing in your ears, echoing into your whole being? This verse saturated me, it reassured my spirit that God was in control and all I needed to do was be still! What a Mighty God we serve!  I have one more episode of severe pain while at Wesley but the rest of my 5 1/2 week stay goes off without a hitch!  I learn to love the quiet there, and all the nurses.  I am able to listen, I mean really listen to what God is telling me about my life.  I know I am where I am supposed to be.  My children are well cared for by all our family back home, and although I miss them dearly during this time, I know all is well.  I can just be.  Baby and I can grow, and be peaceful, we can learn to love life again, and all the little moments, because when you have a scare and think maybe this is something major, well let's just say your eyes are opened a bit more to all the little things around you.  I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.  This experience has taught me to really live, and to rely on God more than I ever have before.  I had to rely on Him to continue to keep us safe, for him to keep my children safe and secure with family.  To help them stay calm and not be anxious.  For my husband to be ok with a momentary bachelor pad, one that was eerily quiet compared to the chaos that usually rings through all the walls! "Be still and know and that I am God"  Psalm 46:10a The verse for my stay, along with the one that we were "coincidentally"(note: I believe everything is God ordained) learning for school that week. "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 My resolve for while I am there, I will give thanks for everything, and I will be still! What refreshment for my soul, my soul that is usually busy, gets to be still and give thanks! The Lord always knows what we need! Do you see all the gifts? I can see them, and they are too numerous to count!  More miracles are performed, more than we could have ever imagined.  I am now on a forced maternity leave, one I wasn't ready for.  We had prepared for a maternity leave, thinking maybe one of eight weeks.  I really thought come January my Dr would tell me no more working, but I was prepared to work up until that point.  We were not prepared for a 5 1/2 week hospital stay, and we were not prepared for 5 1/2 extra weeks of no pay! But we serve a Great and Mighty God.  He provided food and goodies for us, He provided money for us (It literally poured in and brought us to tears!) , He provided company and companionship for us.  He took better care of us then we ever could have imagined, and we cannot thank you all enough for having such huge hearts and for taking such amazing care of us.  We have amazing friends and family.  We even had people think about our kiddos and they gave us Christmas gifts to give to our kids (which they LOVED by the way!)! God thought of everything before we even had time to think about it. I hadn't thought about how we were going to pay the bills yet, when my friend said she was going to set up a go fund me account for us, because she had people asking where they could give.  I mean seriously you cannot make this kind of provision up! We serve a very big God, and for that we are grateful! Do you see the gifts?  They just keep pouring in!

Me, 36 weeks pregnant, ready to head downstairs for my C-section! (*I'm huge...good thing he came early!)

AND now it is baby time! Our most precious gift, the one of bringing a special, new life into this world!  He is born 4 weeks early via C-section at 11:30 am.  Weighing 7 lbs 15oz, and is 19" long.  A wonderful, good sized baby!  I hear them say he needs oxygen, again I hear "Be still and know that I am God!", and we were warned that he may need oxygen he is to be born a preemie and with that comes unknown territory and with that unknown there may be some extra medical intervention needed.  

 Maybe just a little blue?!

Not even 2 minutes on oxygen, and he is fine!

I get to hold my sweet baby! 

We get to go upstairs together.  This is big for us, a God thing! There is no NICU needed for this good sized preemie.  An answer to mommy and daddy's prayers!  We get to recover together.  Then for some reason they decide to check his blood sugars.  Still not sure why, again a God thing.  They are low.  They decide Sunday at 1130 that he will need to go to their step down unit for IV treatment to keep his blood sugar up.  I can still go down to nurse him, but there is no bed available, and since I just had major surgery, I pretty much just go down to nurse him, and snuggle for a couple minutes before I need to head back upstairs (usually for some pain meds!)  By 2:30am he is OFF the IV not even 24 hours later he is off! Another answer to prayer.  Monday the Drs come around and tell us that I can for sure go home today as planned, and as long as he passes the rest of his tests, he can too!  What seemed like a set back at the time, turns out to be nothing major at all.  Although, we had to trudge downstairs every 3 hours for feedings (something mommy would do no matter what!), it was nothing more than a minor inconvenience!  We start packing up our things, and only leaving out the essentials knowing it will probably be sometime after lunch when they can do the car seat test, and give us the "official" all clear to go! The blessings just keep coming!  We are beyond ecstatic! He passes his car seat test, one thing we never doubted he would be able to do, and we get the all clear to go.  We finish packing up some stuff, and come back downstairs for another feeding...in walks the resident "um, I'm sorry but we would like to keep the baby over night.  We can move you to a room here on this floor with him, but his bilirubin level is starting to go up, and we would like to monitor it.  We will recheck it in the morning and if it is fine you can go home them." Wait, what?  All my dreams come crashing down.  We have been here 5 1/2 weeks, and were already told we could go home today if we had an appointment scheduled for tomorrow,which we did, and now you want to keep us an extra night just in case... Lucky for us the nurse was in the room with me, when the resident was talking with me, and she had stayed to listen to what the resident said.  I just looked at her defeated as the resident left.  The nurse turned to me and said "you are still in charge, and are his mommy.  If you think you can go home, then tell them you would like to go home. We can send you home with some formula, that helps kick the bile out better than breast milk sometimes, and you can just give him a couple mls after you are done nursing him to give his system a boost.  I don't see what you need to stay here for an extra night just in case. We will talk with the resident and see what we can work out.  You were already told you could go home today, and we are going to try and get that to happen." This nurse, an absolute angel in my mind.  She was on my side, and was going to fight for me to be able to keep our family together, and to spend a night in our own home, this night, together in our own bed! Turns out we got to go home!! I am ever so grateful, to our angel nurse (and to all the angels who took care of us our entire stay!) who got us out of there that evening!

 Heading home!

 We are HOME! And the Dog won't leave us alone!! I think he missed mommy!

The Doctor had so graciously allowed us to go home, but ONLY IF we made an appointment for the next morning! And we made sure to get an appointment with both lab, and the Doctor (unfortunately mine was on vacation, but we got to see a wonderful PA instead!)  Turns out his bilirubin was too high- which we pretty much already knew when we woke up that next morning (he was looking a bit orange!) We were immediately sent to the hospital here in town.  Now this may seem unfortunate, we are now back in the hospital, but really it wasn't!  Let me tell you the good things!  We have no other kiddos home at this point, so really what else did we have going on? Nothing really except just chilling around the house, and guess what you can do that just as easy in the hospital.  I know, I know I was desperate to get out, and here I am a day later back in, and we are just fine.  See now we are in our home hospital.  Greg doesn't have to drive an hour to see us, he has to drive maybe 5 minutes if the traffic is bad.  See?! Not such a bad deal.  We are told we will stay overnight.  No biggie! They will provide a meal for both of us if we both decide to stay, and they will bring in a cot if Greg wants to stay.  Greg opts for the night of good sleep at home, and I stay up with baby! Another good thing about this, the hospital bed that I get to sleep in again.  Let's just say when you can't use your abs, and you are sleeping in a regular bed, getting up in the night can be quite difficult.  I am actually thankful for the chance for another night in a bed that can move you to a sitting position with the push of a button! See?! More good! His bilirubin levels are down by the next morning, and off we go!

Little man getting his sun tan on!

After a check up the next morning at the hospital it is decided, yet again, that he will need to be under the bili lights!  Back up to the hospital we go! And we get to spend New Year's Eve in the hospital!  Let me tell you what.  Now I have gotten to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Year's Eve, and New Years morning now in the hospital! We are on a roll!!  My wonderful hubby left us for a bit, and went up to the local Dillons, bought us a bottle of Sparkling Grape Juice, and a meat and cheese tray! That way we could feel like we were bringing in the New Year! LOL!  Got my New Year's Kiss from two sweet men! And Greg left for a good nights sleep at home, and I stayed with the little man!  We were sent home again the next morning!  We continue to go back for heel sticks, until we get the all clear!  Thankfully during all of this my mom still had the kiddos, and Greg thankfully had the week off.  This made all this even easier, no one needed to take extra time off to transport me and baby around all the time, and we didn't have to split up for the hospital sleeps except for at bed time!  Made life easy.  Again, we were blessed tremendously with the way that everything was worked out by God!

We are finally home! No more overnight hospital stays! Feels good!

I know, I know this is a looong post! BUT there is one more part to share in this delightfully long journey! It is time to bring the other kiddos home! YEAH!! Greg has been back to work, and now it is time to go get the kids.  We cannot wait, it has been 48 days since I last got to squeeze on them! We cannot wait! I stop and pray for safe travels, and we head on our way!  The whole ride I cannot shake this feeling that something might just go wrong on this trip! I just keep praying that no matter what happens on our trip, we will make it to our babies safely, and they will make it to us! All of the sudden we see signs for construction, and a curve coming up...NO CONES ANYWHERE, and it is snowing, and dark out. Here we go, bumping around in a construction filled ditch on the side of the road!  I was in the backseat sitting next to the little man.  Thank goodness, I just gripped his carseat, and bumped away!  We land! We are safe!  Unfortunately, I am no help getting us out of the ditch!  I just had major surgery, and am now sore from bouncing around! Greg finds a piece of plastic in the ditch and puts it under one of the wheels.  After 45 minutes we are finally unstuck!  We made it out...Mainly Greg got us out, by some miracle! We serve a Mighty God!  The only damage, a muddy car, and a sore tummy!  That's it! And I was able to laugh. I mean really laugh, we were 30 minutes from the hotel, and get postponed by an accident in a ditch!  Makes you even more thankful that you get to see your babies, and that you all arrive safely!  God protected us that night! For that I am forever grateful.  I have never had an intuition before that something would happen, and have never before felt the urge to pray so much on a trip for safe travels!  Thankfully, we serve a God who answers prayers!

Our big, dirty van!

We are all back together!  We could not have been more blessed during this time!  We have been given so many gifts, and we cannot thank everyone enough! You all have loved us so well during this time!  You have given us your time, resources, money, attention, prayers, gifts, taken care of our fur babies, and our babies! We are blessed! We are thankful for everyone that God has put into our lives.  We have been truly touched by everyone of you!

You see?! God didn't just give us one gift! He gave us thousands! Although, this little man the most beautiful gift!

God had put it on our hearts to find a name with significant meaning!  I wanted a name that meant gift or miracle.  We came up with Micah which means Gift from God, and Who is like God?  I wanted it to mean gift purely because he was born in God's timing and not our own! Who would have thought that he would live up to his name so perfectly in every aspect of his life?! God did! And we will forever remember all of God's goodness, and that there is no one like our God! Our God who performs miracles, and gives us the best gifts!

Noah is 1!

Oh big man!  What would we do without you?!  You are one now, seems like such a big milestone.  I cannot believe a year ago I gave birth to my biggest bundle of love!!  You are such a sweet joy to be around!  You LOVE your siblings.  Anytime they come into the room, your whole face lights up, and you put your arms out to them for a hug and a kiss!  What a little lover you are!  Anyone you meet you want to hug and kiss, or head butt(that seems to be your other sign of affection!)!  You are so rough, yet so gentle.  For as young as you are, you sure do love to tackle your siblings!  They all know you can take them down quick!  You like to play cars with your brother, but you are really more of a ball boy!  You get sooo excited when you see a ball! You love to throw it, and chase it around the room!  You also love your doggies!  You refer to them both as good girl, they seem to love the attention you give them!  You are such a good talker for being one!  You are constantly surprising us with new words that you have learned!  Your current favorite phrases are: "go get it" (often said when you throw the ball across the room!), "good girl" (your name for both dogs), "all done", and then you have so many single words I don't even think I can list them all!  You are working on standing up by yourself, and you crawl ALL over the place!  You are starting to walk, but you don't dare to let go, although you can cruise around the house with your walker one handed! Funny boy!

Your siblings insisted since you have a summer birthday that you needed ice cream cones!  We settled for ice cream cone cupcakes.  A twist on cake, and ice cream!  I would say you enjoyed yourself!!

 You figured out you could reach them, and helped yourself to some frosting!

 You were a bit hesitant to try them, at first!

 I'd say you decided it wasn't so bad after all!

All done, next up, a bath!

We love you sweet boy! We are looking forward to what this next year will bring us!  You are our little lover, and our big man!  I cannot wait to see how that manifests itself as you get older!  You are my biggest one year old to date, but man are you cute!  We cannot get enough of all those lovable rolls!  They just make squeezing on you such a delight!  We pray that you will get to know the Lord, and love Him!  We also pray you will continue to have such a good relationship with your siblings, and continue in your sweet loving spirit!

 Presents are WAY more fun to climb on then to actually open!

 You were pretty excited to get some blocks, so you could play with the big kids!

Happy Birthday Noah! Here's to the next year!

33 weeks!

Well little one, we have done it!  We made it over 33 weeks!  We have a little more than 2 weeks left on bed rest, unless you decide to come sooner. (but we are praying you stay there for awhile yet!)

Our time in the hospital has been pretty calm this past week! We thank God for that!  Each day that you stay inside is a blessing, and we hope that trend continues.  Although, we cannot wait to meet you, and get the family back together! I still get to see your sweet face everyday, and you cannot imagine the joy that brings me!  Even with our daily ultrasounds, we still don't know if you are a boy or a girl.  We do know you are beautiful, and a precious gift from God, and we cannot wait until the day when we can find out, and get to kiss on that sweet face!  If you don't decide to come sooner, we have a scheduled C-section for Dec. 26th the day after Christmas!  I hope you don't hate us forever for that date, but that is the day you are 36 weeks old, and the Doctors want you out by then!! Wasn't really our choice-we can blame the Doctors for the date picked!  But we are excited to welcome you into our family as a little late Christmas gift! There is no better way to spend the day after Christmas in my opinion.  Christmas day we get to celebrate Jesus, and the Man who brought us a new life, and makes us a new creation.  And the very next day, we get to celebrate our own special gift from God.  Which by the way is what your name means....we didn't know when we picked out your names it would have more than one meaning! But God always has a way of surprising us that way, doesn't He?

The kiddos are still doing really good, and are having a great time with Mimi and Papaw!  Loving every minute of the extra attention they get, with all the aunts and uncles and great grandparents around.  It makes my Momma heart happy to see them all having so much fun, and getting so much love!

Greg has been busy at home.  Slowly getting things ready for us all to be home, and taking care of Decaf and the cats!  Thankfully a good friend volunteered to keep Kona while we are all spread out all over the place.  That has been a huge relief for us, knowing we don't have to have someone there to let her out every couple hours.  We also have another amazing friend that has been going and letting Decaf out when Greg decides to spend the night up here.  Another huge help, because then he doesn't have to drive back and forth so much!

We have been blessed majorly by friends, family, and church family!  Through all the visits, cards, presents, help with our animals, and kiddos.  We couldn't do it without you all supporting, and praying for us!

"I thank my God every time I remember you."-Phillipians 1:3

Time...

Ah...The ever elusive time.  We are never content, it seems, with the time we have been given.  We want it to slow down, speed up, we need more of it, there just doesn't seem to be enough time to go around!  What is it about life that makes us beg for it to slow, or for more of it?  I mean we can't really make more time.  We all are given the exact same amount of time in the day, and we need to learn how to make the most of what we have been given.

Being put in the hospital on bed rest for 5 weeks, plus the recovery time at the end, has really made me realize that time is all in what we make it!  Now, I have known this before, and have always thought of myself at being a good time manager.  And to be honest, I thought the worst part about this whole bed rest thing was all the "wasted" time I was going to have.  I mean really, what on earth was I supposed to do with 5 weeks of "free time?"  Free time was barely accounted for in my day to day living.  I mean, I chase and train four small children around all day! When they are sleeping it is time to catch up...do the dishes, the laundry, the sweeping, the mopping(so no one falls trying to run on the wet floor!).  Me time-well that just wasn't really in the plans.  That was something I could maybe squeeze in from 10p-11p at night, and usually by that point I was too tired, I would do my quiet time, and then just stare at the wall! Kind of a waste of time, but a debriefing of sorts after my busy day, which I found my body to need before I could settle into a good sleep!

What I have found out about time is even on bed rest, you can still wish for more.  Funny right??? I have been given all the time in the world.  And here I sit, wishing for more? What on earth is wrong with me?  We live in such a busy, go go go world, it is so hard to just be, and I mean really be in the moment.  I have learned to be content, and to love the moment that I am in.  And I am actually loving my bed rest.  YES, you heard that correct, I am loving it. And no it isn't because I don't have to spend my day chasing kids around from sun up to sun down, because I miss that part of my day. I yearn for the day when I get to do all that again, and get to bask in the little moments with my children. And I know that day will come soon (relatively speaking!).  I have already finished 2 weeks here at the hospital.  I have no idea where those two weeks have gone.  I thought I would have made a chain counting down the days until I can break out of here.  But instead I have chosen to give myself tasks, deadlines, and the ability to do things for myself.  This has been a wonderful time of refreshment for my soul. I have been able to paint my toenails without 4 heads watching me, and trying to touch the pretty polish! (I do miss that though!)  I have been able to take a long, hot shower.  I have been able to read! Read big people books!  I read a lot during the day to my children, but reading books that are good for my soul, has brought a whole new wave of refreshment to my life.  I have been able to calm myself from the busy.  Something I think we all need from time to time!  It is good for us to slow down, take a break, and just be.

God knows I don't slow down for anything, I thrive on being a goer, and packing as much on my to-do list as possible.  I am good at judging myself for the day based on how many things I got crossed off the list, or how many additional things I have added. He also knows that I need time with Him, and with myself to find myself in Him again.  And sometimes He does that in such dramatic ways, we have no choice but to shut up and listen!  Well, Lord, you have my attention, and my time.  Please help me to use this time wisely!  Help it to not slip from my finger tips, by filling it with useless things.  Help me to minister to others, and come up with my mission for the next year.  The quiet has been nice, and oh so good for my soul.  And I choose to thank you Lord, for giving me this time of peace.  A time to reflect on all you have done in my family's life, and in my own.  A time to truly reflect on you this Christmas season.  A time of anticipation, much like Mary must have felt knowing the time was near.  I cannot imagine!

"He says, Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10a

Avery Turns 2

My sweet girl! I cannot believe you are 2!!!  You are such big stuff, for a tiny little thing.  Short and Sassy!  You know how to hold your own around here, and you are also not afraid to voice your opinion.  You are smart, funny, and oh so serious!  You always know when to make us laugh, and man can you make us laugh!  You also are the most empathetic baby!  Any time anyone is hurt, or sad, you run to them, and make sure they are ok.  If they have an owie you kiss it better, if they are just upset you give them a hug, if they are sulking well then you sit next to them with your little arm around them and rub their back! There is no one like you my sweet child. I pray you keep your sweet, empathetic spirit!  What a joy and a blessing you are to our family!

We got to spend your 2nd birthday at Mimi and Papaw's house! Just like we have been able to do with your big siblings.  Oh man did you have fun-although being my more serious child you did run off to play by yourself several times.  I think the amount of people there may have been a little overwhelming for you! Of course your party was HUGE! Lots of friends and family came to celebrate YOU!  We celebrated with a huge brunch!  Of course because Mimi was in charge of the food, we knew it was going to be good! And she didn't let us down!!

 Your cute watermelon bowl that Mimi made!

Momma got to make you a cupcake cake!  You LOVE cupcakes, so we figured this was the perfect way to make sure you got cupcakes!  We of course had to shape it like a princess dress, being that you are such the little princess!  And it HAD to be purple.  Your new favorite color.  Not sure if that was put on you by big sister or not, but you seem content in knowing it is YOUR color.  You definitely make sure we all know anything purple MUST belong to you, because who else could have something in your color!

Princess Dress Cupcake Cake!

 Blowing out your candles

 Mmmmm...yummy!

Time for presents! You are a spoiled and loved little girl!  There were so many presents for you to open!  You loved them all!  You got lots of stuff for your baby doll (your new favorite toy), and were so excited! You also got coloring stuff, little people, clothes, jammies, underwear, dress up stuff, a rolling backpack (another favorite!).  When all was said and done, you were tired and definitely ready for a nap-of course after you tried out and opened all of your new toys!  What a pleasure it was to have all of our friends and family there to help us celebrate you being you!  We love you sweet girl and cannot wait to watch you continue to grow!  We pray you will grow to love the Lord, and continue to throw us all into giggle fits, and keep caring about others!  

Happy Birthday Avery!

 Present time

Noah and Athaiah decided they wanted to help you open presents!

Week 1 DONE!

Baby and I have officially made it past 1 week in the hospital! YEAH!  Feels good to check that off the list!  We are now 32 weeks, which means we are pretty much in the clear for a lot of the major medical issues that could arise with baby coming early!  Feels good to know that pretty much anything with encounter from here on out, and easily be "fixed."  As in, most babies this early cannot suck, swallow, breathe together making eating hard, but they will put in a feeding tube so baby can eat, and they will swab baby's mouth with breast milk so it still gets all the wonderfully good antibodies my body has made for it! Then as baby masters this wonderful technique the feeding tube can come out!  Baby may need oxygen at this point, but again that is another pretty easy, and non-permanent fix!  It just feels so much more reassuring knowing that most things at this point can be treated and solved with little to no issue for baby or I!

(This sweet face! I am so in LOVE!)

Our hospital stay for the most part has been fairly uneventful-with the exception of Tuesday afternoon!  Tuesday I got out of bed to go to the bathroom, and found I couldn't walk!  That is how this pain thing seems to work-ZERO pain all day, and then suddenly BAM knocks me on my feet (almost literally that day!).  The nurses up here where amazing, they had me down to L&D in less than 5 minutes!  I was down in L&D for 10 hours that afternoon.  I have never been so happy to come back to my cozy room up here!!  They had me hooked up to all the monitors, did an ultrasound, and tried to keep me as comfortable as possible.  They came to the conclusion that my pain is probably just coming from my old scar tissue (along my old incision line), trying to stretch, and grow with the rest of my uterus and body. BUT since it is scar tissue it can't really stretch like the rest of me, meaning it is going to feel painful!  The best thing they likened it to is the following (Just to give you an illustrations as to what is might feel like!)  You fall when your little and scrape your knee-bad enough that you get a nice scab on the top of your knee.  Now that  you have this wonderful scab on your knee walking isn't so easy- it hurts when you bend  your leg, or feels tight when you stretch it out because you have that scab sitting on a place that used to be flexible and just move where ever you did.  Essentially what that means is I have a nice "scab" on my uterus, and as it is stretching it is pulling on it! Make a bit more sense?! I hope!

We have officially spent our first "couple" holidays in the hospital, and they weren't all that bad!   I say couple...We were here for Thanksgiving, which also happened to be my hubby's birthday this year! Poor guy!  He came up here for the day, and we spent it just chilling and hanging out. SOOO very different from every other year, where I am up early and in the kitchen all day-or at work all day to come home and get to work in the kitchen!  Very, very relaxing.  They served Turkey for lunch and it really was pretty good, especially considering it was hospital food! They gave me pumpkin pie (which is Greg's favorite!), he got to have that and call it his birthday dessert! THEN a wonderful friend of mine (who is ready to pop any day herself!) Brought us up a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving feast for dinner! Oh my goodness, it was AMAZING!  It was beyond sweet to have a home cooked meal, and homemade pie for dessert, Apple and Pumpkin.  Needless to say, I think we both were in heaven with this meal!  Greg got to spend the night Thursday and Friday since the weather was bad!  He is home now-that way he could keep an eye on the dog and not get stuck here if the weather got worse!  It was so nice to have 2 days to spend with just my hubby.  We may have been stuck in a hospital, but we got to talk without much interruption-he got to see the baby on the ultrasound, and we got to just hang out! It was amazing! We finished our first puzzle in like 5 years! Which really brought me back to our early marriage when it was just the two of us...we would spend almost every night working on puzzles together in the dining room after dinner! Always had a blast! I enjoyed getting to do that with him again. I will say I think I am totally out of puzzle practice though-puzzles these day consist of match the shape, or object, or alphabet, or letter, etc.  doing a "real" puzzle really stretched my brain power! LOL!

I honestly thought I would be more bored up here than I am!  Which is a huge answer to prayer! Anyone who knows me knows, I CANNOT sit still!  I, however, have been able to be still.  And in fact have come to like some of the quiet!  I have had more adult interaction in the past week, than I probably had in the past 5 years (since I don't have to stop and chase kids in the middle of conversations and such!).  I have gotten 4 knitting projects done, finished 2 books, made all my kids a mommy loves you bracelet (and the girls a necklace-per the princesses request!), finished a puzzle with my hubby, and had a couple naps! I even have gotten to have my quiet time in *gasp* the quiet! All in all a good week!  I miss my kids like crazy, but I'm sure that goes without saying!  I am able to skype them and have done that several times since being here.  They seem to be doing quite well, and are having a good time with all the family they are getting to see! Their Mimi even lets them color with markers *gasp*! (<---Mommy usually saves those for special occasions, making this a very big deal for them!)

Thank you to everyone who has made my stay here great!  I have had many wonderful friends visit, bearing wonderful gifts, and food, and goodies!  I cannot say thank you enough.  It has meant more than you will ever know, and makes me feel so very loved!  Also, to the people who have helped watch our pet babies so Greg could come up here, you are also amazing, and we wouldn't know what to do without you!  I know a lot of you have also donated to our gofundme account that my friend set up for us, and I cannot thank you enough for that as well, since I will be out of work for at least 12 weeks, and we were really only planning on 6, every little bit helps!  All of the love you have shown us, in so many different ways has truly touched our lives! To our family, who stepped up and took in our kids for such a long period of time, so we wouldn't have to worry about who was going to watch them when!  I know they are happy and feeling loved as well, and as their momma this makes me feel at ease, and able to rest!  Thank you for everyone who has prayed for us!  We need that the most! Just keep praying the kiddos will behave, this little one will stay put, and I will continue to stay "busy!" And Greg will continue to maintain the home front!(which is sounds like he is doing quite marvelously!)  We love you all, and I thank God for you all daily!

Our little Surprise!

This is about the best title I can come up with for this blog post! This one has been a surprise from the get go!

A recent pic of our sweet angle's face! (and big belly!) Look at those chubby cheeks! 

Let me give you a little background for those of you who keep asking...Are you ready? There may be some TMI, but people are asking so I'm just gonna answer all the questions I have gotten here, and maybe that will make it a bit easier for everyone!
1. Why on Earth did you have them so close together? Didn't you know that would cause so many complications?  Well there are several answers to this question.  Although I HATE this question and really don't think it is very kind of people to ask, here are the many answers to it! Number 1: we believe in this family that all children are a gift, and are put into our lives for a reason.  NOW with that said, this was the first pregnancy we were trying really hard NOT to have. Not that anyone should need  to know, but because everyone wants to know we were on two different forms of birth control (if you count all the old wives tales-well that brings that number to about 4-5! But those are old wives tales!) Yes, we still got pregnant. And that brings us to baby #5! God's obviously chosen baby just for us.  Our little surprise! Our special miracle! And that is something this baby will always be to us, a miracle and a gift no matter the outcome!
2. Did you know you would be put on bed rest?  Call it mommy intuition, but I kept telling people I didn't for see them letting me go (as hard as I do) for my entire pregnancy.  I had a feeling I would probably be told I couldn't work any more as we got closer to the due date, but I never dreamed I would be stuck in a hospital at 30.5 weeks, and stuck there until delivery date!
3. Why are you there? What happened? This is a good question...I am here for the moment strictly on precautionary measures.  I got here under somewhat false pretenses (meaning I didn't think I would be staying!) Story Time:  Thursday I was having some pain along my old incision line in the morning.  It went away and I thought I was in the clear. HAHA, NOPE came back with a vengeance that night, and it hurt to walk.  I just had this feeling something wasn't right.  Knowing I was high risk, but not wanting to freak out, I called the hospital.  They put me in touch with my Dr. since it was after hours.  My Dr. decided it was best that I come in for an ultrasound, that way they could check out my uterus and the baby and make sure all was good!  Well, as you know we have 4 small children, so I hollered down the stairs to my hubby that I was going to the hospital for an ultrasound and would be back soon.  They just wanted to take a look on the inside and make sure all was well.  YES I drove myself to the hospital, what else do you do when it is bedtime, and someone has to be with the kiddos? Plus at this point in time, I really just thought it would be an ultrasound, everything would check out, and I would be on my way home, and told to take it easy! I get the hospital, they check me in, and start me on fluids, and the baby monitor until the ultrasound tech can get there.  Dr arrives and notices I am having some contractions.  She ordered a shot to stop those in their tracks...Here I sit by myself thinking, well baby is fine so far from what the monitors say, they have given me fluid so there is no way I'm dehydrated, they have now stopped any hint of contractions I was having, so let's get the ultrasound done, so I can go home and go to bed (I had planned to go to bed early tonight, and I really didn't want to miss my early bed time HA!) Ultrasound comes in, says baby looks healthy and fat (estimated size at 30.5 weeks was 4lbs 5oz, which is a good sized baby for as many weeks as I have left!)  Now I'm really feeling good, ultrasound looks good, baby is more than healthy! I can go home now,...NOPE.  Dr comes in and says she is going to consult her friends and fellow Drs in Wichita just to make sure we aren't missing anything.  She then orders me a steroid shot, and Mag. (BOTH nasty drugs!) She returns about 10 minutes later, and says "Well we are sending you to Wichita via Ambulance.  Would you like to call your husband and let him know? We want you with a neonatal specialist there, and we are thinking we need to monitor you for 24 hrs, and we will know more." OK?! Small freak out moment, I thought this was just an ultrasound now like 4 medications in, an ultrasound, and like 7 sticks later, I am headed to Wichita via Ambulance, not really how I had my evening planned.  Time to call Greg..He of course stays calm, he gets to work on finding someone to come stay with the kiddos. (HUGE shout out to Aly for coming and staying overnight with them, so Greg could be with me in the hospital on such short notice!) Fast forward and we are in Wichita.  This means more Mag in the IV, more IV fluids, people come in and check on you every 30 minutes, I have strings and things attached to every place on my body.  Drs come and go, another ultrasound, and finally it is 330AM!, unable to sleep because of the constant interruptions and all the cords going every which way.  The kind nurse offered to bring me some benadryl to help me sleep! I have never been so excited to hear that I got to take a medicine in my life! LOL! They still continue to check on me, but luckily the benadryl has take a hold and I hear them talking, can answer about 1 word answers, and am back asleep! Thank goodness for some good rest.  530 am, Greg's alarm goes off, and he gets ready to head back home to take care of the kids for the day.  Again, we are still just thinking I'm here for 24hr observation and should be home by tomorrow am(Saturday!) at the latest! I tell Greg I will keep him posted, and to love on the kiddos for me, and tell them mommy will be home soon! (HA!) Can you see this just keeps getting better? 630am Drs begin their rounds, I start by meeting the residents.  Then about 730 the Neonatal Dr comes in.... Very nice Dr, but he gets to drop the bombshell, he says I will not be going home! Wait, what?! Did I just hear that correct, I am NOT going home until I have this baby?  You know I'm like almost 31 weeks, but that is a LOOOONG hospital stay, and I don't sit still well! He tells me why, and I have to agree that his reasons are correct, and it really probably is the best thing for baby and I, I just hate to admit it! Well, now it's time to call Greg and update him to the "new" plan! He takes it well, and says as long as you are ok, and baby are ok, we will figure it out.  I love my cool calm and collected man.  Well I can be a spazz, and he is just always so calm and put together.  God knew I needed that in a man, and what a special man he gave to me!! Now we get to work calling family, now that we have the story, and know the long term goals!  LONG story thanks for hanging in there, but now you know ;)
4. What are they watching you for?  They are watching me for any signs of any more pain (No I am not taking pain medication, as they want me to feel even the slightest change in my body!).  They are doing daily ultrasounds to monitor both my uterus, and the baby.  This is so if they see any change what so ever in my uterine thickness or in baby's movements, or detect a leak they can get to work immediately.  They are mostly worried since I started having pain that it is a symptom that my uterus is weakening.  They don't want me and baby an hour away and need emergency surgery.  So I am here, and being monitored and watched through out the day.  I am instructed to call with any change in anything, and if the pain strikes immediately to just pull the call light out from the wall, and that signals emergency, and everyone will come running!
5. What are the plans?  I am currently 31 weeks pregnant, they would obviously like to see baby in there as long as possible. NOW if something is to happen today or tomorrow they would get baby out ASAP! BUT the goal is to make it until at least 34 weeks with no baby (hence the strict bed rest, so I can't upset anything!) The Dr  is thinking that he would like to see baby here no later than around 36 weeks though, because they just don't think my uterus will be able to hold onto baby much longer than that, and they don't want me to go into any kind of labor on my own for fear of uterine rupture!  What this means is that I am stuck here for at least the next 3-4 weeks, and at the most about 6-7 weeks.  That is a lot of sitting for this momma, who is used to staying so busy!
5. How am I doing with all this? Glad you asked....I am doing really well.  The hard part: Being away from my family! I hate not being able to see them all day long, and give them hugs n kisses n snuggles whenever I want.  My kids and my husband are my world, and being far away from them is the HARDEST part of all! Other than that, this hospital gets boring, but when Greg gets back I am going to hopefully talk him into bringing me up something to do!  I know I am in good hands, both here with the hospital team and with GOD.  He has held me since day 1, and I know he will continue to hold me.  He gave me this miracle child, and I expect that he will show us all the way to the end, whatever and whenever that will be!  I have complete faith in him, and from the time I pulled into the hospital for my ultrasound to this very day, the song "Be Still and Know that I am God" has been stuck in my head.  And I can only guess it is there for a reason!
6. How are the kiddos? They are sooo excited.  They came up here yesterday to say good bye to me, and all they could talk about was going to see all their grandparents and great grandparents! They also talked about how excited they were that mommy was going to have a baby, and they can't wait to see it.  They are all rooting for a boy (it is a surprise!) so we shall see.  They are really being troopers, but they have been able to have daddy with them during the day,and now they get to be spoiled and loved on my family and friends, so they see nothing wrong with their end of the bargain!

 

7. How is Greg? He is good, he is such a calm quiet man. He can be hard to read.  But he is a rock that is holding this family together, and keeping us all in order.  He has arranged transportation to get the kiddos to MI to be with family.  He has brought me things that I need, and I'm sure come next week when he can chill a bit he will be thankful, and able to soak more of it in!  For now, he just tells me he is all good, because he knows the kids will be taken care of, he can still work, and baby and I are in good hands here in Wichita! What would we do around here without this wonderful, strong, quiet man, by our sides! I'm sure we would all be lost!

Well there is the really, really long version of our story.  I will keep you posted as we know more!  I have noticed I haven't updated this blog in forever so while I sit, with little to do, I will probably go on blog overload with updates on all my kiddos, and putting things up that I missed! Here is your warning! If you have any questions, I never have any problems answering.  Just know that I work in the medical field and nothing scares me, so your answer may be blunt or contain TMI but I will answer it to the best of my ability!